Suffering is a funny thing because, not literally, but it’s something we see all around us, but don’t necessarily know how to change. I was watching American Idol last night and they had their annual Idol Gives Back episode. They told amazing stories about hope, compassion, and collaboration.
If we follow the story of the Buddha, it wasn’t until he was an adult that he encountered suffering. His life had been sheltered and full of privilege, but once he left the safety and security of the palace walls the reality of life, and it hit hard. He endured a tremendous amount of suffering in order to achieve enlightenment and his perseverance had been the north star for many a follower.
What we get from The Buddha is that we all suffer. I know that you believe your suffering began when you were diagnosed with a chronic or life-threatening illness, but you probably were suffering on more subtle levels prior to crossing the illness threshold. What causes suffering? Our attachments are at the root of our suffering. I bet you’re wondering what you’re attached to.
We’re all attached to our identity as a person who has their health. That saying, “but I was healthy before I was sick”, says it all. The fact that we live with what was instead of what is causes suffering. This isn’t about accepting a health challenge, but knowing and understanding your health challenge and the actions requires to attain health and healing.
There’s a famous saying, “Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional”. For many facing a chronic or life-threatening illness it’s the misery level that can be controlled, but we place it in the category of something happening to us, instead of us colluding with it. What do you want to change about your level of misery? How would you like to change your story? Can you escape from suffering?
Art and Healing Wednesday…
There’s nothing like going to see live theatre. The stories are provocative, entertaining, and engaging. Actors put their heart and soul into the characters bringing them to live in magical ways. Sometimes we can find an art form that bridges entertainment and meaning. It brings about social and cultural messages and we related to them.
The other thing that theatre can do is teach. It may not be on Broadway, but theatre companies across the country have created theatre pieces to bring about important lessons about everything from obesity to teen pregnancy. Why is it so powerful?
We feel connected to live performance. The actors feed off the audience and the excitement, drama, hilarity put forth by the actors is palpable. There’s an inter-connectedness that creates an energy of mutuality and healing. If the theatre piece has a moral to it then all the better, especially if you’re entertaining young children. There it is; theatre reaches people at all levels of economics, cultural, spiritual, age, gender, etc. It’s a universal language.
Look for theatre that provides laughter if you’re experiencing pain of malaise. Norman Cousins, watching Three Stooges movies found that a good belly laugh gave him periods of pain-free sleep. Sometimes the theatre piece brings out loud the questions you’ve been asking yourself. At other times they play devil’s advocate, something I’m always in favor of no matter the discussion.
There’s a lot to choose from, so watch two theatre productions and call me in the morning!
I was watching a documentary on PBS on The Buddha. It was narrated by Richard Gere and was interspersed with various experts on Buddha. Jane Hirshfield, a poet, said, “To gain everything, you first must lose everything”. That’s a powerful statement and it has taken me two weeks to play with the idea, allowing it to bubble within my brain and my soul. Want to know what rose to the top?
When diagnosed with a chronic or life-threatening illness many feel as if they’ve lost everything. This is based on that saying, “When you have your health you have everything”, but that saying doesn’t take hold for many till they or someone they know gets sick. I guess the first thing I wonder is, “Is health and illusion?”. Doctors and scientists say we all have cancer cells in our bodies at all times and until one goes awry we may never know, so up till that point are we well or are we sick?
What I have figured out is that your health is important; that’s why we strive for health and healing. The thing we have to lose to gain everything is the false self. That persona we put out to the world hoping for acceptance, acknowledgment, and validation. When we allow ourselves to be who we are those we attract will be attracted to our authentic self, not someone playing a role. Your relationships will be better, longer lasting, and deeper. That’s gaining everything.
We have to give up the idea that we’re victims to our health and become empowered. What you’ll find is that when you’re empowered in one area of your life it begins to creep into other areas of your life. That’s gaining everything.
When we stop thinking that the body is separate from the mind and spirit we turn a corner. Integrating our body, mind, and spirit allows us to build endurance for the journey to wellness. This integration is important for reclaiming your health and your life. That’s gaining everything.
These are just a few of the things we have to give up to gain everything. I’m wondering what you’ve had to lose in order to gain everything? This is a rich discussion that I hope you’ll join.
An illness diagnosis makes us vulnerable to our environment, in our relationships, and to a profession that is there to help us navigate these difficult times. When it comes right down to it, our harshest critic is usually ourselves, and finding a way to give yourself some room to breathe is important for health and healing.
On the journey to wellness there are those experiences that keep us in a holding pattern in our lives. The question is do you know what holds you locked in that circling pattern? Our own thoughts are usually the key factor in what keeps us imprisoned or frees us to explore new opportunities.
When facing a health challenge the idea of being locked into a mindset is frustrating. It creates doubt in ourselves as well as those who trying to provide care and support. Too many times people feel like they’ve been given a sentence and unfortunately they don’t ee any parole in sight.
Hope is the key to unlocking those menacing thoughts that keep you doubting your ability to heal (notice I said heal and not cure…they’re not the same). We can create opportunities that will allow us to gain control over our own lives, decrease our feelings of isolation, and at every turn work to improve our quality of life.
I didn’t say it was going to be easy, but nothing worth having or achieving every is, so what will you do free yourself from this often self-imposed bondage? What new things will you try that will set your body, mind, and spirit free to explore opportunities that will improve your attitude, increase your physical, mental, and spiritual endurance and if nothing else, make you laugh.
The diagnosis is the start of a journey and as with everything else in your life you have a choice. You can sit in prison wasting away figuratively and maybe literally or in the words of one of my favorite singing groups, Sugarland, you can stand up and say, “There’s got to be more than this!”. What will it be? Let me know your choice and let’s see how together we can keep you motivated to continue on your journey to wellness.
Welcome to Caregiver Friday!!
The story is one of the most empowering ways we’ve come to communicate in our modern society. It doesn’t matter if the story is spoken, written, or artfully transmitted…it’s powerful. It’s for this reason that finding the lessons in other’s stories is mesmerizing. Even when we’re talking about fiction the author’s beliefs and values creep into the essence of the work.
The Three Musketeers were famous for saying, “One for all, and all for one”. What if that were everyone’s motto, would the world be different? The answer is a loud YES, but since we don’t have control over everyone in the world; we’ll all simply have to be responsible for ourselves.
The idea that we’re all in this together is important for you, the caregiver/wellness partner, because it’s easy to fall into the trap of isolation and world on your shoulders. It’s important that the person you’re caring for be on your team as much as you’re on theirs. I know this may sound like a lot to expect, but sometimes it’s up to us to create the culture of mutuality. When someone is facing a health challenge it’s too easy to get caught up in your own life and only your life. Developing the capacity and the expectation that this journey to wellness is two sides of the same coin will save you lots of grief and bring you together instead of dividing the two of you.
Wouldn’t it be fun to stand in the middle of your lawn or at the park and shout out, “All for one and one for all”? Others may think you’ve lost it, but the truth is that however you say it, it needs to be a declaration. It’s not about negotiation, but collaboration. It’s important that you and the patient don’t try to compete for who’s worse off, or who is shouldering most of the burden. A health challenge impacts everyone in the family, so living the motto of the Three Musketeers is the mantra that will help catapult you and your loved one toward health and healing.
Once you received your diagnosis did you find that everyone has an opinion? Did you get bombarded with stories about friends with the same health challenge or anecdotes about stories in the news? It’s common when people learn you have a chronic or life-altering illness to dig deep and come up with information they believe will help you on your journey to wellness. I know it’s overwhelming at times when the truth is everyone is simply trying to help.
Once you receive this informal data in addition to all the information you’ve accumulated from your medical team and we can’t forget all the information on the internet it’s time to take action. This is the time when you put all the information into the pot and distill it into what’s essential. Upon distilling the information it’s time to call the play. Yes, when you were diagnosed you were promoted from team player to quarterback.
Perhaps you were the person in the past offering information in hopes of helping a family member of friend through a health challenge, but now the responsibility is yours. It can be frightening but listening to everyone is beneficial because it allows you to make a choice based on informed consent. These decisions, although may not work all the time are the best choices because they come from within; that wisdom that comes from knowing your own body, mind, and spirit.
It’s easy to be the one giving advice, but the real work comes when you have to take that advice and craft it into something you believe in that will promote health and healing. The good part is that new information is becoming available on a daily basis. Finding a reliable source for updates related to your diagnosis is a great place to start. I highly encourage you to join the organization devoted to your specific diagnosis. This is no time for generalities because although illnesses may look similar they all have their specific nuances.
Being the quarterback can be intimidating but having a sense of control over your life is critical to being an empowered patient. When you’re empowered you’re more inclined to make choices that work in harmony with your body, mind, and spirit propelling you into the end zone!
Welcome to Art and Healing Wednesday…
I found an article in the New York Daily News that talks about Tommy McHugh, a sixty year old handyman and street fighter who had a massive brain hemorrhage. Upon emerging from his coma, McHugh got this creative streak. This creative streak had led him to begin transforming everything he can into works of art. It seems the hemorrhage unleashed his creativity.
McHugh not only pains, but writes poetry, sculpts and carves. So what happened? Neuroscientists are thinking that the changes in his temporal lobe unleashed this streak of creativity. It’s giving these scientists some clues into where creativity resides in the brain. The real news, for me, is that McHugh has embraced his artistic side and lives in it like a pig in mud. It’s an opportunity for him to express his deepest emotions following the hemorrhage. This new view of life is not only prettier, but it is freeing. There’s a new purpose in his life and it gets expressed through his art.
Why is this important? It’s clear that one of the ways we unleash ourselves from the shackles of a health challenge is ultimate self-expression. It doesn’t matter the form of the creative expression, but the feelings and experiences need to be expressed. Sharing your story with the world is empowering, uplifting, and promotes wellness. It provides the body with positive feedback reducing stress and allowing the body to devote its resources to health and healing.
The other aspect of art as a healing force is that it’s enveloping. It provides a safe haven for body, mind, and spirit to express those parts of oneself that may be too painful or not yet conscious. When you unearth the junk you make room for the healing energy to emerge and work on the bodies healing mechanisms.
McHugh’s life has changed drastically. He is opening a free gallery for amateur artists to show their work. Let’s hope he encourages those who emerge from an illness or injury to follow in his footsteps and express, express, express!