Month: April 2014

Posted in Caregiving, coping with chronic illness, coping with life threatening illness, living with chronic illness, overcoming adversity, Relationships

Releasing Your Secrets Can Be Your Gateway to Freedom!

Posted on by Rev. Greg Katz, MS, PhD

We all have a vision of ourselves that serves to provide us an identity. Cooley, a noted sociologist, devised the “Looking Glass Self”. His theory says that we see ourselves from multiple angles. He believed we see ourselves in one way, then there are the ways others see us and finally how we perceive others see us. It’s like standing in the dressing room of a clothing store and seeing yourself from all angles. The amazing thing is that he didn’t account for the secrets we hold.

The releasing of secrets can be your path to freedom. If you look at those facing addictions; it’s the secrecy that holds them prisoner. Releasing the secret provides a path to recovery.   However there are times when the focus of our secrets is not connected to shame, but the belief that we’re sparing others from experiencing the same pain you are facing the diagnosis of a chronic or life-threating illness.

John Churton Collins, a British literary critic, said, “If we knew each others secrets, what comfort we would find.” The secret of pain or symptoms prevents those closest to us from feeling taxed, or at least that’s what you believe. You look around at all those who have been caring for you and you ask yourself, “Can I burden these loving and supportive folks with one more request?” However, keeping those secrets can seriously jeopardize your health.

I understand that you believe these secrets are protective of the relationships you have with caregivers, but the truth is these secrets strain the relationships. Caregivers are there to help and when you keep secrets about pain and suffering caregivers may experience a sense of guilt for not having the mindreading abilities of The Amazing Kreskin.

The other aspect of keeping secrets about your health is that you have the chance of having minor symptoms become a serious matter that could compromise your life. When facing a chronic or life-threatening illness symptoms are not minor. They are your body’s way of saying pay attention to me. They are the outward signs that you need to change the dialogue in your head to a dialogue with your medical team. Keeping secrets from your medical team can result in severe consequences.

The real question is, “Who are you really protecting when you don’t share your secrets of pain or symptoms?” In most cases you’re protecting you. Having these symptoms or pain means something is wrong and as long as you keep it a secret it doesn’t really exist or you believe these symptoms will pass if you give it time. Why are you willing to sacrifice your well being when sharing your symptoms can bring relief and actually cut-off further damage to your body.

Secrets are good when you’re trying to do something nice for someone like a birthday party, but when it comes to your health, secrets can be your demise. Seek freedom and release those secrets!

For more information on health and healing visit www.survivingstrong.com

Interested in art and healing, visit www.timetolivecreatively.com

Posted in care for the caregiver, Caregiving, Emotional Health, Relationships, Self-Nurture

The Caregiver Experience…How You Can Channel the Amazing Kreskin?

Posted on by Rev. Greg Katz, MS, PhD

Do you remember the Amazing Kreskin? He was best known for, what we believed was, reading minds. So many of us would see him on television and wonder how he was able to achieve these monumental perceptions and knowledge of what the subject was thinking.

If we were able to read minds life would be so much easier. The capacity to anticipate the needs of others would be a saving grace. Understanding what others need doesn’t have to be a circus sideshow; it needs to be rooted in communication and honesty.

When facing a chronic or life-threatening illness, especially when going through treatment, there are needs and desires that ease the discomfort of this part of the journey. The person who is taking medications may result in mood or behavior changes. These changes can cause tension and make you, the caregiver, feel like you’re living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. This is disconcerting and causes you, the caregiver, to question your role in the life of the patient. It also makes you question the sacrifices you’ve made because you’re feeling under appreciated.

Caregiving is a role in life that is often like being the producer and director of a theater production. You may be the coherent one during doctor’s appointments keeping track of the medications, lab orders, and doctor’s appointments. You become the Director of Transportation as you get the patient back and forth from all their appointments.

In all my years of clinical work the one aspect of the family dynamic that creates the most friction is when the person undergoing treatment is not anticipating what the patient needs. You are responsible for being the advance person, and you thought the President of the United States was the only person with an advance team.

Because there is so much “we” time when caregiving, you may feel as if you’re losing your sense of individuality. Everything is filtered through the lens of the illness. It’s crucial that you take some time to keep yourself an individual. The person undergoing treatment may use the guilt card wanting to keep you close, and even when you make plans for a surrogate caregiver, that guilt often hangs heavy over your head. Don’t give in to the cloud of guilt! The person undergoing treatment has survived difficult treatments and side effects from medications; they’ll survive you taking an hour or two for a yoga class, a meeting of your book club, or some creative time in your art studio.

It would be wonderful if we all had the mind reading gifts of the Amazing Kreskin, and in many respects you do. You’re not the caregiver because you’re a stranger; you’re near and dear to the person facing the diagnosis. Whether you believe it or not you do have mindreading capabilities. You know what the favorite foods, television programs, and genre of books is of the patient.

It’s amazing that you can anticipate what the patient needs, and yet many caregivers haven’t a clue about what they need to continue on the caregiving journey. This is one of those times when a caregiver needs a caregiver. I urge you to enlist a friend or family member to keep you grounded and to serve as your touch with reality. This person will be your mirror so you can be alerted when you need rest, a break from the illness arena, or just a reminder of who you are as a person in the world, aside from illness.

You are the Amazing Kreskin, or maybe we can say you’re simply Amazing!

For more information on health and healing visit, http://www.survivingstrong.com

Interested in art and healing read the blog: http://www.timetolivecreatively.com

 

Posted in after the diagnosis, coping with chronic illness, coping with life threatening illness, living with chronic illness, overcoming adversity, Spirituality and Health

You Never Know When Angels Will Appear!

Posted on by Rev. Greg Katz, MS, PhD

Who’s watching over us? We all face challenges in our lives and there are times when we need someone looking over us. The amazing things is that the help you need may just appear because of some connection beyond our modern day explanations.

There was a news report this morning about a man in New Zealand that was doing a sixteen-mile charity swim. At one point during the swim a great white shark made its presence known to him and the team escorting him. This would be a scary time for anyone, but swimming with the possibility that you’re about to be attacked is either an incredible display of courage or stupidity. On the other hand, what if he knew or believed that he would be protected and simply continued swimming.

The next thing that was captured on the video was a school of ten dolphins that began to swim along and around the charity swimmer. These dolphins swam beside the swimmer escorting him through what could have been a treacherous ordeal. The great white shark left the area making it safe for the swimmer to continue his mission. Why did the shark leave? The explanation is that the shark couldn’t tolerate the noises made by the dolphins so the shark went to look for other prey.

The appearance of the dolphins couldn’t be scripted. There are those who may believe this was divine intervention. It could be considered a miracle, coincidence, or science. How it’s defined isn’t the focus of our dialogue; it’s the jumping off point for exploring who or what is protecting you on your journey.

Are there times when you’ve felt protected but couldn’t explain the circumstances? Are you aware of being protected? How do you manage those moments when you feel challenged or at risk?

For more education, information, and support when diagnosed with a chronic or life-threatening illness visit www.survivingstrong.com

Interested in art and healing read the blog: www.timetolivecreatively.com

Posted in after the diagnosis, coping with chronic illness, coping with life threatening illness, living with chronic illness, overcoming adversity, Spirituality and Health

The Signs Are Everywhere…Are You Open to Them?

Posted on by Rev. Greg Katz, MS, PhD

How many of us are waiting for a sign before we make a decision, jump into action, or change the course of your life? I think about the movie Under the Tuscan Sun when Diane Lane’s character wants to buy this run down house and she’s speaking with the old woman selling the house. The woman is very clear that she can’t sell the house because she’s waiting for the sign that the right buyer of the house is standing before her. As Lane’s character is leaving, a bird craps on her shoulder. Immediately, the old woman screams (in Italian), “that’s the sign”, and Lane’s character buys the house.

This idea of signs is intriguing to me because they are often found in the most unique ways. It’s not as if there’s a billboard on the side of the road that gives you the answer to an important issue or question your grappling with; it’s not that simple. For many, the sign doesn’t appear until there we surrender after a journey of inner darkness, inner denial, or inner doubt.

Earlier this week I mentioned David M. Howitt’s book Heed Your Call. After spending countless hours working at a corporate law firm, working long hours, feeling desperate to get out but no exit strategy Howitt’s sign appeared. He was working on a holiday weekend late into the night when he went to use the restroom. In the stall on top of the toilet tank was a tube of Preparation H, a product used to alleviate the symptoms of hemorrhoids; that was his sign. You may be laughing, as did I, at the moment of his epiphany, but he took it seriously and it was the springboard for him to propel to freedom.

Have you been asking yourself questions that don’t present with easy answers? Has your diagnosis of a chronic or life-threatening illness or other trauma presented challenges that make you feel like you’re in a ditch with no clear-cut way to escape? Are you open to the signs that may present themselves at any given moment?

If you’ve had the experience of receiving a sign share it with us, let’s share our experiences as we build a vibrant health and healing community.

For more resources, education, and inspiration following the diagnosis of an illness visit www.survivingstrong.com

Exploring your creative side and how it enhances health visit www.timetolivecreatively.com

Posted in after the diagnosis, coping with chronic illness, coping with life threatening illness, Doctor's Visits, living with chronic illness

No One Is Immune From Worry

Posted on by Rev. Greg Katz, MS, PhD

I’ve been working in the field of chronic and life-threatening illness for over twenty years. Sitting in an amazing number of support group meeting rooms I’ve been witness to stories about how the participants came to know of their diagnosis. The stories all included a common component, the moment they knew something was amiss worry set in and accompanied them along the path to diagnosis.

Over the past couple of months I’ve been having a number of pulmonary symptoms. My breathing has been labored and simple exertion has sent me running for my inhaler. The inhaler is supposed to be used as a rescue measure; I needed a lot of rescuing. This problem breathing sent me to the doctor and on the odyssey began.

While telling the doctor my story he decided to do an EKG. Prior to entering the doctor’s office, I never considered the notion that it could be my heart. I felt my blood pressure rise. I wasn’t concerned with the test; it was more the element of surprise that created this sense of panic. The test was easy and fortunately it didn’t show any abnormalities. Then came the next surprise, he was sending me for a nuclear stress test.

Along with the test for these problems I was due for a colonoscopy, the joys of reaching fifty (actually I’m a couple of years late). I was given the laundry list of prep for the test and then set off to the GI department. The doctor came in and explained the procedure and then asked if I had any questions. I explained that I was a medical social worker and knew the process. I also told him that I couldn’t change the results of the test as I was laying on the gurney. I would await the results of the test and at that point in time I would take whatever actions were necessary.

I was telling my mother this story and she said, “I bet your doctor wished he had a hundred patients like you.” I had a calm and recognition that at the time of the test I couldn’t change the results. My body would do or done whatever it was going to do and the only “control” I would have would be how I handle the findings/results.

So why did the initial tests cause worry and the colonoscopy didn’t result in the same angst? The EKG was a surprise. I wasn’t surprised by the pulmonary tests, but the cardiac tests caught me off guard. The same with the colonoscopy; it was scheduled and I prepped for it so I was prepared for the test itself, the results remain to be determined.

It doesn’t matter how prepared we are, there are things we will worry about. Worry tends to be a useful emotion because it never changes the outcome. The only thing worry does it raise blood pressure, make us anxious, and propel our mind into a spiral of “what ifs” that ends in creating worse case scenarios.

We’re not immune to worry. How we handle the worry is the only control we can ever possess. Understanding what our worry triggers are can help as we move through life. It allows us better understand our psyche. We become more aware of our fragility and that is a scary process. There is a difference between fragility and vulnerability (something to be explored down the road). Fragility leaves us exposed to what we perceive as harmful to the body, mind, or spirit.

What do you tend to worry about? How do you handle that worry?

For more information about living with chronic or life-threatening illness go to www.survivingstrong.com

Interested in art and healing visit www.timetolivecreatively.com

Posted in coping with chronic illness, coping with life threatening illness, living with chronic illness, overcoming adversity

How Do You Interpret Life’s Challenges?

Posted on by Rev. Greg Katz, MS, PhD

There are certain sayings that give me pause when I hear them because they call into play the master plan of the Universe. The one that I have a hard time hearing is, “Everything happens for a reason?” To me, that phrase implies the Universe providing us with the biggest question of our lives and trying to make sense of challenging times. Would it make it easier if there were a reason for everything, or would it complicate the issue?

I started reading David M Howitt’s new book, “Heed Your Call”. Howitt states, “Most of us interpret being blessed with challenges as being dealt a bad hand.” So is it possible that challenges are blessings? Do they encourage us and challenge us to try something new? Are there degrees of difficulty in the challenges that present themselves in our lives?

I ask this question because I’ve sat in hundreds of support groups for those facing chronic and life-threatening illness and the notion that a health challenge is a blessing perplexes me. I do understand that a gift can be found within the challenge, in this case an illness diagnosis, but the illness itself as a gift I still question.

There is one aspect to Howitt’s quote that I like, and that’s the notion that we’re blessed to be or do better in our lives. The idea that we’re faced with challenges to overcome something we’re avoiding, or something we wholeheartedly desire is truly a blessing. We do become stronger when we conquer a challenge. The number of people who climb Mt. Everest every year is amazing. Each climber is striving to reach the mountains summit as well as the summit within their own physical, emotional, and spiritual being.

I do agree with Howitt that attributing a life challenge as being a dealt a bad hand serves no purpose. I often joke about being my family’s genetic dumping ground. I don’t say that out of anger, but it is a fact that I seem to be the repository for many of my families health shortcomings. Fortunately, since I’ve was a child I’ve had support and love allowing me to face each challenge as it arises making me the resilient being I am today. Did I know as a child that these challenges were blessings? I often wonder if I learned to consciously filter all of life’s challenges through the lens of resilience. It provides me with great comfort in that belief.

How do you filter your life’s challenges? Are you on the side that life’s challenges are a blessing or a bad hand you’ve been dealt? I hope we can start a dialogue and explore this further.

For further information and resources on living with chronic or life-threatening illness go to www.survivingstrong.com

Posted in after the diagnosis, coping with chronic illness, coping with life threatening illness, Emotional Health, living with chronic illness, Living with Illness, overcoming adversity

Are You Sleeping?

Posted on by Rev. Greg Katz, MS, PhD

Sleep is crucial to living. If we didn’t sleep we wouldn’t dream and that would lead to psychological distress. Sleep is also pleasurable and a way to rejuvenate the body, one of the key ingredients to health and healing. However, physically sleeping is very different than emotional or spiritual sleeping. Like me, if you’re living life trying to stay in the question, then the question we need to ask is, “What will awaken you to the fact that you’re asleep?”

The self-help books and your therapist would probably equate emotional sleeping with denial or detachment (as a possibility). What if being emotionally asleep were deeper than the need to separate from our experience? What if being emotionally asleep was actually something along a continuum. Is it possible that the emotional sleep scale runs the gamut from coma to exhilaration/mania?

On the other hand, what about being spiritually asleep? So many in-industrialized western societies lead lives of quiet desperation, according to Henry David Thoreau. What keeps us asleep? Are we culturally driven to be spiritual narcoleptics? Similar to emotionally sleeping, does spiritual sleep live on a continuum from spiritual narcolepsy to spiritual insomnia? Again, what will get you to ask, “What will awaken me to the fact that I’m asleep?”

Unfortunately it often takes a negative experience, even to the extreme of a trauma for many of us to awaken from that sleep. There is a jolt to the body, mind, and spirit that begins an energized projectile to the awakened state. If you go to any bookstore look at the number of books that speak about the transformation experienced after being diagnosed with a chronic or life-threatening illness, the numbers will astound you.

The awakened state can be a scary experience. Living in this state of heightened experience and awareness fills us with questions. These questions are the path to freedom.   The great thing about questions is that they get you to come up with different scenarios, answers, or possibilities. Questions keep us engaged in our own life experience. They are the carrot on the stick that draws us forward until we develop the ability to be self-propelled to mind-body-spirit transformation/healing.

What awakened or will awaken you? Share your awakening experience in the comments section below and let’s start a conversation.

For more information on living with chronic or life-threatening illness go to http://www.survivingstrong.com

Posted in after the diagnosis, coping with chronic illness, coping with life threatening illness, Emotional Health, living with chronic illness, newly diagnosed illness, overcoming adversity, Spirituality and Health

After You Fall To Your Knees….How Do You Get Up?

Posted on by Rev. Greg Katz, MS, PhD

The month of April is filled with the anniversaries of national tragic events. We recently honored the victims of the Virginia Tech shooting. Tomorrow is the nineteenth anniversary of the Oklahoma City Bombing of the Federal Building. This coming Sunday is the fifteenth anniversary of the Columbine shooting. These three events rocked the feeling of safety and security in our country.

Traumatic events don’t only have to be about shootings, bombings, and abuse, but can be the result of a diagnosis of a chronic or life-threatening illness. The moment of diagnosis rocks the world of each person who hears the doctor say, “I’m sorry to tell you…” There is no nation to share in the mourning process.

So where am I headed with this? Last night I was watching the news and the mother of one of the students killed at Columbine was asked by the reporter “What do you want people to think about on the anniversary of the tragedy?” The mother of the murdered student responded, “After you fall to your knees, how do you get up?” It’s a question that is paramount to the beginning of the journey to health and healing.

Yesterday there was an interview on Good Morning America. Amy Robach who was diagnosed with cancer while doing a story about breast cancer screening interviewed Samantha Harris, known from hosting Dancing with the Stars, recently diagnosed with breast cancer.

The two women were talking about receiving their diagnosis alone, without any family members or friends by their side. Robach asked Harris, “How did you hold it together?” Harris shared that she held it together until the doctor left the room and broke down in tears.

We can fall to our knees both figuratively and literally. In many cases, it happens simultaneously. Perhaps the shock of the news impacting the physical, emotional, and emotional self is what brings us to our knees. We can also be brought to our knees when we pray.

One of the things I’ve learned about others and myself is that our souls are resilient. We have the capacity to absorb the shock and transform that energy into motivation, perseverance, and tenacity. It’s the transformation of that negative energy into a healing energy that serves as a catalyst and a springboard for the health and healing pilgrimage.

After falling to your knees, how have you gotten up? Share your story in the comments section below. As a community your story can blaze a trail for others who may still be on their knees.

For more information on health and healing go to www.survivingstrong.com

Posted in after the diagnosis, coping with chronic illness, coping with life threatening illness, Illness Narrative, living with chronic illness, Living with Illness

What Does the Word “Survivor” Mean to You?

Posted on by Rev. Greg Katz, MS, PhD

We all attribute meaning to words based on the context in our lives. The word survivor has been bestowed upon those who live with a chronic or life-threatening illness. However, the word “survivor”, often, also describes those who have been the victim of traumatic events like violence and natural disasters.

Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of the bombing at last year’s Boston Marathon. There have been lots of interviews, television programming, and of course tributes to those who died in this horrific event, and an opportunity to celebrate the way the amazing city of Boston banned together.

This is why I was surprised when I was listening to an interview on NPR’s “Fresh Air” with Terry Gross. Gross was interviewing noted author Barbara Ehrenreich about her new book. At one point in the interview Gross asked Ehrenreich about her 2001 diagnosis with breast cancer. The dialogue took a surprise turn in comparison to many who have been diagnosed with an illness; she was a rebel.

Ehrenreich started by dismissing the “pink” movement as it relates to breast cancer. She’s determined not to die with a pink teddy bear in her arms. She didn’t want to be associated with a specific movement feeling that it’s an insult to the integrity of people facing illness. Whether or not you believe it’s a positive depends on your own identity issues, need to belong to something bigger than yourself, or the opportunity to support an organization that provides support, screening, and research in the breast cancer arena. This dialogue was not the surprise; it was her discussion about not wanting to be called a “survivor”.

Terry Gross dug deeper into the anti-survivor rhetoric by asking Ehrenreich to express her disapproval of being called a “survivor”. Ehrenreich shared that she believes the word “survivor” implies that someone was courageous, brave, and successful beat the disease. Her problem is that she feels that it’s dishonoring all those people who were equally courageous and brave, but whose bodies and treatment regimen didn’t match for the positive. She doesn’t want to diminish any of the positive qualities those who face an illness exhibit.

So is there a difference between surviving and being a “survivor”? What are your ideas on being a survivor? Please share your experience in the comments section below.

For more information on living with chronic and/or life-threatening illness visit http://www.survivingstrong.com

Posted in after the diagnosis, coping with chronic illness, coping with life threatening illness, living with chronic illness, newly diagnosed illness, overcoming adversity

Who Has Inspired You In Your Life?

Posted on by Rev. Greg Katz, MS, PhD

I was watching Good Morning America and one of the segments focused on Robin Roberts’ new book, “Everybody’s Got Something.” Each of the anchors did a short segment about who and why a specific person inspires them. It was a good reminder of two things; we all have things we go through and need help with, and, there are people who have come before us who have blazed a trail for us to follow.

Roberts shared an important quote from her coach.   The coach said, “Attitude more that aptitude gives us altitude.” This quote was like cupid shooting an arrow through my heart; it was that profound. There are so many levels to meaning behind the coach’s wisdom and to peel back the layers is inspiring.

Our attitude gives us the energy we need to persevere through our trials and tribulations. I don’t mean for this to be a lecture on positive thinking, but using our attitude as a filter can impact our actions. It can serve as an anchor for our decision making process and hopefully that impacts our aptitude for making decision. The more practice we get the better we get at sifting out the unnecessary and focusing on what’s helpful!

So where does the altitude come into the picture? I think the coach was referring to the ways that we open ourselves to possibility. The notion that we have untapped potential waiting to be unleashed and that attitude is the catalyst for that release. Is it simple to achieve? There are probably some instances where it is easier than others, but that just means that possibility exists and gives us the inspiration to continue on our personal pilgrimage.

I know I usually focus on living with chronic and life-threatening illness, but we have to remember just like the title of Roberts’ book, Everybody Has Something. We all have our struggles, some larger than others, but knowing that we’re all on a pilgrimage to health, healing, and peace is reassuring.

Who has inspired you continuing your journey? Share it with us in the comments section below.   For more information on living with chronic and life-threatening illness visit, www.survivingstrong.com