Posted in after the diagnosis, Living with Illness

The Blame Game

It’s Christmas morning, last night was the fourth night of Hanukkah, the Winter Solstice just passed and Kwanza begins tomorrow, talk about a holiday grouping.  I’ve been flipping through the channels on television and there are numerous programs talking about what the holidays mean, how they began, how we celebrate and noting the time of wonder.  Families are waking up this morning to open presents, the traditional Jewish celebration of Christmas was to go to the movies and then Chinese food and the candle industry is riding the tide during a season of lights.

In many faiths this is a time of wonder and miracles.  I’m sure many of you facing chronic and life-threatning illnesses are hoping, wishing even praying for a cure.  It’s difficult to let go of the anger, the blame or the pity that results from being sick.  Many can’t understand why they just can get past the diagnosis and move on to more fruitful endeavors.

If you read stories about the mystics and the Saints you’ll find they weren’t believing all the time.  Many had battles with their God and they still became Saints.  Following a difficult time in Teresa of Avila’s life she’s quoted as saying to God, “If this is how you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few of them!” I share that with you because it’s natural to want to blame someone for the diagnosis.  It’s understandable to want to be able to answer the question “why” or even “why me”, but as of today you may not have any answers.

I know that you may feel picked on, but then why would you want to believe or need to believe that you were singled out by God to be given a heavy load to carry.  Last month I was talking to a friend who has a lot of challenges in her life.  She said, “I hear the phrases like, God doesn’t give you more than you handle, or what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.  She then turned to me and said, “If that’s true then I’m mad at God”.

This is one of those times in life when we tend to leave science and move exclusively into our relationship with God.  This is a time in your life when you need more friends than enemies.  This is a time in life when spiritual comfort can mean the difference between soul stamina and soul exhaustion.  This is a time when the belief in the possible far outweighs the belief in victimization.  What if we just walked around with the notion that what happened to us happened and now what am I going to do about it.  Take the pressure off your relationship with the Divine and use that relationship as a pillar of hope.  Miracles do happen.  It’s not time to make something happen; it’s time to welcome something in.

What will you Welcome In this holiday season?


I've lived my life in service to others. I'm focused on mental health and how it impacts our relationships, culture, and society. Through creative expression and narrative I believe we can impact change.

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