Posted in Caregiving

Walk a Mile In My Shoes

Welcome to Caregiver Friday!!

As I take my daily bus ride to and from work during my stay in San Antonio, I think about all the stories I hear from people on the bus.  They aren’t speaking to me, but no one seems to protect the privacy of the cell phone conversations, so I have lots of stories.

I’ll hear a story and wonder what would I do in that particular situation.  The difficult part is that I don’t have all the information, only snippets.  When we don’t have all the information our brain’s natural inclination is to fill in the gaps with thoughts based on our own interactions.

How does this apply to caregiving?  Even if you haven’t been diagnosed with a chronic or life-threatening illness we’ve all be sick or injured at some point in our lives and know what depending on others is like.  On the other hand, not everyone has taken care of someone who has been dependent.  True if you’re a parent that’s all you do, but it’s different when an adult is dependent because you’re often dealing with issues of guilt and shame on the part of the patient.

So what about empathy?  It’s often for others to understand the stress, pressure, and angst that often accompanies caregiving.  It’s difficult for some people to know what it’s like keeping the plates spinning in the air.  Most of the caregivers I’ve met over the past twenty plus years have worked at great lengths to ensure that the patients needs are met and they are safe and secure as they tackle the health challenge.

It’s for this reason that I strongly recommend that caregivers attend a support group.  The rooms of the support group become your sanctuary, your confessional, your oasis in the desert.  It will be a place where all the negative thoughts you may have or feelings of resentment are acknowledged, validated, and possibly even applauded. 

The members of your support have walked a mile in your shoes, heck they may have gone a marathon in your shoes, so you ‘re in good hands.  It would be wonderful if empathy were abundant, but it’s not and it’s often a difficult skill or gift to teach.

Take care of yourself and be with those who are empathic to your situation.  It will definitely improve your peace-of-mind and will let you know you’re not going crazy!


I've lived my life in service to others. I'm focused on mental health and how it impacts our relationships, culture, and society. Through creative expression and narrative I believe we can impact change.

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